Lord, Slow me Down

http://profile.imeem.com/l2eg7/music/PJoAViHy/slow_me_down/

This could pretty much be the theme of my life right now, a prayer to my God who sees how I'm running out of breathe, trying to keep up with what I'm in. He's got it under control. And I'm so glad! He takes this headless chicken and makes sense of me.

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world, I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand and
Lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by just
Show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward, I falter again
Forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and
Lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by just
Show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down
Slow me down
Slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

-Emmy Rossum

Welcome

I sit and listen to Hip Hop/Rap as I wait for my first dance class which starts in thirty minutes. Sporadic thoughts that are swirling around in my head, they're a bit hindered because of the music coming in through my ears, but some of those thoughts will now pop up on this computer screen. Number one, I wish that I had some more music from this genre.

Second, I need to call my parents and talk to them about this something that suddenly turned up super important. Hm. I'm a bit nervous about it, and I'm sorry, but this is all you can know because this is not something to write about on the internet. Subject change! Song change! Ah, I know, after this song, a clean version of "Let's Go," I'll change over to O-Zone and Cascada. Yess!

Gosh, this song reminds me of the basketball days with the gang. I pretty much love them still, the gang. I'm really glad that Seth is here at Bryan College. It was such a surprise when I was handing out everyone's matriculation packets to see him! Ha, and it was also a surprise to see Nathan standing in the middle of Mercer. All of the others at the table turned to see what I had gasped at. Yes, I sort of embarrassed myself. Ah well, it happens a lot.

My bag in which I carry all of my books for the day is outrageously heavy on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays because I have Western Civ, Psych, and Chemistry, one after the other from 8 to 11. Krikey!

By the way, after "Let's Go," my iTunes went to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Jars of Clay. I love this song, so I will change the genre after this one. :)

Back to this bag: I think I'm going to have to work out something with these books, but I don't see how I could. Hm. Ah, and I'm got quite a few awesome people in all of my classes so far. Western Civ: Paula!! and others, but Paula's the coolest. She's such an unbelievably sweet girl. She's also in my Psych class along with Jordan Lawrence and Timmy Milsaps. In Psych, I've got Kelly Barton, Seth Dukes, Sharalyn Schmidt, Sharon Smythe, and Joy Holby. Woot!

All right, O-Zone!

Here's something, too - I got into Fall Chorale! Yays! I got into the soprano section. ??? I talked to some people from chorale and they said that it might be a mistake, but I talked to some people who said that Dr. D totally knew what he was doing and they were excited for me and had confidence that I would get better. Eh. I would much rather stay an alto. So I asked Roy about it at lunch and he said that he would talk to Dr. D about it. Thanks, Roy!

The two volleyball practices we've had so far have been great! I really didn't do too well yesterday, I need to stop and plant myself for the digs, but other than that and some off serves, it's been good. These two practices, Coach Kim had me fill in for Right side hitter, and since she's put me there twice, well, I wonder what she's thinking. I'm certainly no blocker, I've got, like, no vertical jump. But, since I'm not a good hitter, either, I'm sure she's just having me fill in the spot for now. I ma not get much playing time this year because she's been having other girls in the back row these both practices, but it's all for the team. In fact! If I'm on the team just to encourage Kimmy, it's worth it! Last night, she was just absolutely fantastically amazing and so very, very encouraging to me and she told me about how much of an encouragement I was to her, which made my week, and I totally just want to be that encouragement to her and to whomever else I can be. So, now I'm thinking that God puts us in places we may not want to be just so that we can encourage someone else that he loves where we are. Walgreens, SGA, North Base, Dayton, TN, HCS, JV Volleyball. Like what Matt Benson was talking about on Sunday - God blessed the Israelites to show Himself to the other nations. He blessed the other nations through them because God loves them, too. Like how God put Dan in that situation so that He could bless that one guy. Wow, all of this repetition of theme makes me feel like I'm learning something! Be content wherever you are because God will use you. How amazingly awesome is that!?!?! God is awesome. Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!!!

God, help me to trust You with where I am. With where I am in every area of my life. You've got me here for a reason, you've put with these different people on these different teams for a reason. And, please, by the way, help me to love the people I'm around as You love them, because I so cannot do that without You. Lord God, thank you SO MUCH for using me. You're so awesome and You've chosen me to be a blessing to people. And Lord, thank you for how much it blesses me to be an encouragement to others. Thank you for making me the way I am, for making me appreciate the things that I do, and for putting me here. God, help me to love You more than anything else. I fell like my love isn't anything compared to how You love me, and it's true, but I love you, God. I love You.

Amen

Almost the beginning of the year

Dr. Jones is the man! I got to see him today and he talked with Dan and I about summer. I loved watching how Dr. Jones totally soaked in everything that Dan and I had to say and he cared.

I really liked a story that Dan told about how he was leading some camp during the summer. He was leading a worship session and he totally blanked on a line of a song that he's played for years. After the worship, this one guy that Dan had been ministering to came up to him and said, "I'm really glad that you messed up." Dan was like, "What?" But the guy said that he had been thining about how he had messed up so much in his life and it was just great to see how he wasn't the only one who makes mistakes. God is awesome! Dr. Jones talked about how cool it was that God uses our weaknesses as well as our strengths. I just love that story! And it's true!

Yay Dan and yay Dr. Jones!

A small why

And why do I have this unexpected urge to not do anything by myself. I want company while I go finish up my registration. Whatever.

After the soccer game and togetherness.

I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep instead of staying up with Jones soda.

Moving Day!!!!!!!

Gah!
My mom is taking eternity to get ready! Her computer was giving her lots of trouble this morning, so I guess she's got some excuse, but I can't stand it. The truck's all packed, I'm ready, Taylor's ready, Mom's not ready. grrrr

I'm way siked to be going back to Dayton. I've been anxious for school to start since I left school in April. It's been a good summer, but I'm SOO ready to get out of this place, away from "it all," e.g. my family, my church, my jobs, my annoyances. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, church, and jobs, (I'm so glad to not be working now, though) but I'm sure you know what it's like to want to just get away! To get back to my friends, my school. Ha, I'm going out of state! Whoop! Three hours away, and I can't wait. Except, I have to, because Mom's not ready. blah

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm now nineteen years old. Would this be a fine time to say, "pucha" ? Ya nyipenimyo. Ha!

Birthday: I've made a list of the many unexpected and expeted things that happened on the 17th of August, this two thousand and seventh year of our Lord.
1- I had to wake up early to take Mom to shool instead of sleeping in
2- I decided that I needed a harcut so I went to a walk-in place
3- I went to my doctor's appointment, learned that I had a cold, not a sinus infection, got a prescription for my inhaler, and !! got an unscheduled shot! (the last of my hepatitis B shots)
4- I saw someone get arrested!
5- Cherry coke flavored dum dums are nothing special.
6- I got a facebook message from someone I hadn't heard from in ages!

To be cont.

Packing

I just love Relient K. They're helping me to pack now. Yes, I'm packing. Packing for my second year of college! WooHoo! It seems like I don't have as much stuff to pack this time. Idk.
Taylor's downstairs reading. :)
I'm going to meet with Justin and Christian today sometime.
My room is happy. Bright, sunny, colorful. I like it a lot.

I'm not dead yet!

Today was my last day of work. Today, I went to the cardiologist. When Mom and I went into the waiting room (there was a cool aquarium like on Finding Nemo) we were the youngest ones there. The two gals who came in to ask me questions and to hook me up to some electrodes for an electrocardiogram (EKG) were very nice, and they helped me to not be that nervous. The doctor came in and looked at the EKG report and asked some questions, again. He said that my EKG report was abnormal, but that may be because I'm young. After hearing what my mom had to say about two of my second cousins dying of heart-related diseases, he agreed that I should go ahead and get an echocardiogram and a stress test, too, to make sure that I'm okay. They tried to schedule me today for these tests, but they were already full, so I'm going back on Thursday.

Exciting, no?

When I went to the Cardio center of my town's hospital, I was wearing my new glasses! They are pretty similar to my previous pair. The eye man at BJ's Wholesale Club was able to find a pair of glasses that would fit the lenses from my broken pair, so we (Mom) only had to buy the frames! Glorious day!

Tomorrow will be my last day at church. Thursday will be my echocardiogram and my sister's volleyball scrimmage. Friday will be my 19th birthday, and Saturday, I'll return to the town of my beloved college. Rewind to where I was talking about Friday: (imagine Bryan Rudolph's turn table/rewind sound effects) 19! And you know what's after 19, don't you? 20! How horrid! Now I believe that most of you, if not all of you, who read this blog are older than me, so I won't speak too much about how depressing and how... non-youthful it will be to leave the age of 18 behind. *sigh* Whatever shall I do? Run away. Run away to the Neverland. I am going to believe that there are no heart diseases in the Neverland, so it may be good for me to go there. And, perhaps the beautiful climate there will help to get rid of this cold I have, too! Well, that settles it! It's been splendid knowing you all, but I'm off now! Do write, but I don't have an address to give to you. Perhaps I'll stop by every once in a while to bring you some cold-ridding choral found only on the reefs surrounding the Neverland. Until then! Ta!

Almost time for school

Okay, here I am with less than a week before I go back to college. I've been so excited to go back since I left, and I canNOT WAIT to see all my friends again! But, you know, things are going to be different. Every time I tell someone who has asked about the classes I'm taking, they say something like, "That's just for one semester?" or "Will you have time to breathe?" Um, it's only 17 credit hours. Four of my credits are from single-credit classes, though. Let me give you my list of what this semester will look like: Western Civ I, General Psychology, Chemistry, (Chapel), Beginning Stage Movement, Fall Chorale, Volleyball, Interpersonal Communication, Voice Lesson, and I'm also in Student Government this year as the female representative of my class. Why am I in all of this? I don't know. Will I have time for my friends that I can't wait to see? As a college girl, I make time. duh. What about other stuff? Umm, well, I'll have more free time after volleyball season!

So yeah, it may be super crazy, but it will do no good at all to worry about it. Besides, God's in control of it all. I just have to stay mostly focused on my studies and then volleyball and then SGA and then maybe friends, eh? Eww. I don't like how that priority list panned out. Sadly, that's how it's going to have to be for a while. But, let's see, we've got only a little over two months of volleyball, so that shouldn't be too bad. Nah, I can take it. I can SO take it. And, (this is great) I'm looking forward to all of the classes I'm taking. Now, I'm not too happy about my Western Civ class being at 8 in the morning, but I think that I'll really like the teacher, and I'm looking forward to getting to meet the new people who will be in this class, because usually it's a freshman class.

In my last week home, I've got two more days of working, I need to get new glasses, I need to take an echocardiogram, I need to go to my sister's scrimmage, I need to buy curtains, I need to pack, and I need to go into the woods. Oh, and I need to call Toshiba so they can get my new laptop from going black. (grr)

Right now, I'm going to get a strawberry popsicle, the kind with real strawberries in it, because they are oh so yummy.

Update

Walgreens is done. Uniforms Plus is going well. Only four more days of working and then I'm done. Tomorrow, tomorrow's tomorrow, and Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday, on my shift, I broke my record of sales. The store was so busy, and I was glad to have brought in a lot of money for the shop. We were so busy, I didn't eat lunch till my shift was over!

I have a new laptop! It's a Toshiba Satellite A215-S4747... And I think it has a problem already. The screen will go blank for no known reason and it will stay blank till I let the battery run out. Then, when I turn it back on, it's back to normal. Odd and frustrating. I'm going to have to call the Help line. Blah. The computer had Windows Vista, and I'm trying to get used to that, but it's pretty neat, I guess. It sure looks spiffy.

My friend Peter is leaving for California to go to college in a couple of days. I was sad to learn that he was finally going off, but he's finally getting to do what he wanted to do. I'm going to miss him a ton, though. :( No more trips to the creek on my breaks from Bryan and more more excursions to Buzzard's elevated promontory while he's visiting his sister Joy. 6 hours away. By plane! But, only an enter key away by AIM. *sigh*

But I will be with my college friends soon! I'm very excited about that! I'll get to see the SGAers and the athletes and the RAs when I go back to Bryan! When I arrive, there may be only four of us on the hall, assuming Kimmy will be back from her retreat. Molly, Millie, and I will be there for SGA, and I don't know if anyone else will be there sooner than for the orientation leaders' thing. I think that a lot of the girls on my hall are orientation leaders. I know that Sweeny is one. And Nathan lives a few houses down from campus. I wonder when Ashley will get there. Yep, I'm excited to go back. Let me count the days... Eh, about 11 days! Well, 11 days till the 19th, but I may have to go up on the 18th because Mom will be starting school on the 20th, and it would be easier (maybe) if she were to just take me up on the 18th, both of us spending that night in a hotel (because I can't check in till the 19th) and then drive back after dropping me off. So, 10 or 11 days till I go back to Dayton! WooHoo!!

Today, I helped with my dad's volleyball practice. He's now the head coach at my high school. I used to be captain of this school's varsity volleyball team, and I was kinda nervous about going back after a year of college JV ball. It was stupid, but I'd thought that, just maybe, some of the girls would think, "Here's Lindsay, our old captain, back for a while from college. Boy, I bet she learned a lot. Oh wait, she didn't really." It was just a thought that was nagging me in the back of my mind, and I didn't like it, and I knew that it wouldn't even be a deal and that it was pitiful and selfish. No one thought that, I'm sure, and I really enjoyed going, except for when my breath was going away too quickly and when it wasn't coming back soon enough. When I was warming up with Dad, Brea came over and asked, "Can I warm up with Lindsay?" Aw! I didn't know that Brea liked me that much! That really helped to build me up. And, when my Dad introduced me to the team, Amanda added, "She's my big sister." I loved that and the hug and kiss that came with the comment. Dear Amanda. Amanda, I am SO praying for you in this rough time.

Practice was good, maybe, but it was good for me, because it got me with the ball again, and it got me practicing for 2.5 hours. Ah, and before practice, I went to the technical building, which has since been turned into the living quarters of three college-age guy friends of mine, to say hello to Justin and Christian. It was there that I found out that Peter was going to be leaving in a few days. And it was there that Christian gave me his gift of a very soft Pirates of the Caribbean Captain Jack Sparrow pillow. :) It made me laugh, and I will take it to college with me. Christian said, "Now you can cuddle with Johnny Depp every night." (Since Johnny Depp is all I ever think about, right?) It was very thoughtful of Christian, and I appreciated it very much. Sweet boy.

And, life is life. Can't complain. Shouldn't complain. Won't complain. Everyone has things that they could say, but I just read the blog of a friend of mine's that makes me never want to complain for a very long time. If I dwell on it long enough, and I think that I just have, I will grow unhappy with right now. I will say to myself, "Oh, to be in Dayton now. To have the schedule and the classes and the chapels. To be out of Newnan with its people who I've known forever." That's stupid. I do like it here, and it's absolutely crazy that, just by thinking about complaining, something like that comes out of my mind and onto this screen. Besides, one could complain about being back at school, too, but I daren't type such things or else nasty little monsters will come out of my fingers, onto the keyboard, and they will tell me about why I would be unhappy there, too. No, what if I were to think about the good things, eh? What an idea! Let's do it. (Sadly, nothing jumped out at me, begging me to type it out before my mind raced to another wonderful thing...)

Ah, here they come, the happy thoughts: My trek into the woods last week was lovely. I plan on trekking out there again before I leave here. My sister has begun to like two things that I enjoy. Those would be the Wicked soundtrack and Lemony Snickett's A Series of Unfortunate Events. We also now sing in our church's choir together. :) We sat together last Sunday, and I would like to sit with her the next, as well. Boy, is she a stinker. She's gotten a lot better with volleyball!

Ugh! Okay, all of those bad monsters are still way out at the farthest edges of my mind, and they'd really like to come in closer, and so to dispel them, I'm going to make a list of things that I enjoy. I've made a list like this before and posted it on my facebook and myspace, but here we go:

daffodils, green green green!, stingrays, clouds, the sky, stars, astronomy, marine biology, manta rays, hammerhead sharks, the beach, the woods, trees, bamboo, grass, scarves, Christmas, Christmas lights, Christmas carols, egg nog, homemade pizza, homemade macaroni and cheese, fried squash, fried green tomatoes, 2% milk, milk shakes, ice cream, moose tracks ice cream, strawberries, blueberries, picking blackberries and eating them, my dog, my creek, driving at night with the windows down that music loud, my violin, Devon's guitar, my friends, my family, my Bible, my journal, my books, my piano, the green room and that Caribbean map and the machetes, the den with its hard wood floors and all of the old tools on the wall, that small book in which I have started to record all of the memorable family sayings, the model of the USS Constitution that I made with some of Dad's help, the bookshelf that Dad and I made, the little glass violin-playing angel that my dad gave to me, the paper crane that Sweeny made for me out of sheet music, the songs that Nathan wrote that I have on CD, the CD of Callihand, my ring that Wendy helped me buy for my 16th birthday, my Russian spoon, my pictures, the deflated pink hear-shaped balloon from Styopa, I miss Styopa! I miss Russia! And that red heart-shaped candle near the balloon was from Kaylee. I miss Kaylee! I miss Mexico, too! WHY DO I KEEP GOING BACK TO THIS FEELING OF NOT BEING CONTENT WHERE I AM??? And it's not like where I am mentally or whatever, I think that it's where I physically am. But being in Dayton wouldn't cure it. No, now it's gone farther, this uncontentment. Now, I want to be out of the country, but not in Easter Europe, unless it were Northern Ireland or Scotland, and not in Africa. Hm, maybe I need to go back to that small bamboo forest near the other creek I explored last week. Perhaps that would settle my wanderlust? Who knows. This weird case of I-don't-want-to-be-here will probably be gone by tomorrow. I'll just go to sleep and wake up and be back to normal. In fact, my sister just got out of the bathroom, so now I can hop in the shower, then be off to bed. And I'll think of plenty of things before falling asleep, but I will go to sleep eventually. Okay, good night then.

Uh-

Okay, that last post was somewhat pathetic and it was certainly a lot of rambling. Good thing no one reads this blog, eh?

If, by some chance, you do, leave a comment and let me know, because, to my knowledge, Peter's the only who will occasionally check up on it, and that is very, very occassionally.

Ta.