I'm kinda frustrated

Well, there's a ton of stuff going on right now.

Volleyball and SGA. And Psychology test tomorrow. And I must mention the boy, as well.
Tonight is the homecoming banquet. I've gotten to help a lot, I think, but certainly not as much as I could've if I wasn't in volleyball. We've got a game tonight, too, and so does Varsity, so I won't be able to go to the banquet. I'm okay with it, but it is just a little sad, I guess. I wish that I could help and be a part of the banquet. But, this totally saves me the hassle of trying to find a dress!! Besides, the wonderful guy who asked me to the banquet, before we knew that I wouldn't be able to go, is going to come and watch me play instead. :)

I'm a little ticked with v-ball right now, though. I want to be clear, though, that this is not because I have to wait till the end of volleyball season for something that is really hard to wait for. I mean, yeah, it'd be nice to be able to have that now, but it's not the main reason I'm ticked right now. I think this started on Monday when I got a huge wave of "I don't want to do this." I was unexpected and I hadn't had that feeling all semester. I didn't like it, and I don't want to have that feeling at all. It's not good, not conductive to good sportsmanship or team-ness, etc. For our Tuesday game, well, Varsity's game pretty much took forever and we'd had to leave campus at 2:45, and we didn't get back till 10:45. It wasn't a huge deal for some of the time, but I would've really liked to have been back on campus. Second, and this isn't huge either, but I do have to miss the banquet tonight. Third, now this one is pretty huge: My Saturday is shot because of volleyball. JV's got one game up at Union which is forever away. We have to leave around 6:45 AM! Varsity has two games up at Union, though, and we have to stay up there all day for them. We're not going to get back till 9-10:30 PM! :( Blah. It just seems like a whole day wasted. A day when I would really, really like to be able to catch up on the sleep that I've missed out on this week.
Fourth, I was looking at my calendar for October last night. That was a bad idea because I came up with these next few complaints and got depressed. I'm hoping, by the way, that I won't be so upset about these things and that maybe typing all of this out will really help me. Anyways, my next Saturday is going to be filled with helping the Varsity with their many games and the small tournament we're having, too. I may be able to go to the homecoming soccer game, maybe. But I'd really like to find a Saturday that will be all mine. But that's really not a big deal. Here's the big deal: On the 12th, Varsity has a game at UVA-Wise and those of us who are going on the California trip need to go with them because we're going to spend the night in Virginia and then leave for Cali the next day. Well, because I'm on the JV, and not the Varsity, I won't be playing for their game, in fact, I won't really be doing anything. And yet, I'm going to have to leave campus between 1:30 and 2:30 to get there. :( If that's really what going down, it makes me sad. It's going to be my last day on campus till the night of the 21st, and I won't get to see my people.
Now this bring me to the California trip itself. I'm hesitant about it. I don't feel connected with the Varsity team at all. There are a lot of things that I could say, but I shouldn't say them here, and it's hard for me to find the words to describe the feelings inside me about these things because they don't really make sense when I try to say them out loud. And, a lot of these things are petty and stupid anyways. But not all of them, I know. It's not like we're all one huge happy volleyball team. There's even a wall there, I think. Some of the JV girls get along great with the Varsity, like, three out 12, but that's all. I'm sad to say that, at this moment, I'm not all that pumped about the trip. I won't be doing much and blah blah blah. And I hate this! I shouldn't be feeling this way! This certainly is not what I need to be focusing on for a ministry trip, for crying out loud! And I don't like how these things are so prominent that they have taken my focus off what is important. Not good, not good. And, I talked with Kimmy about all of this last night (when I should've been sleeping). Whatever, I don't like my attitude about it one bit, but there's definitely reasons for my attitude being there.
K, so a lot of these volleyball problems are minor, except for those two big ones, but put it all together and you've got some unwanted frustraition. The next Saturday I'll have totally free on campus is I think in November, unless I don't have to be a the Varsity's game on the 27th.

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Other than that, I'm fine. Seriously, as I've told almost everyone who's asked, "What's up" or "How are you?": "I'm not as stressed as one would think I would be." And for that, I'm thankful. I'm just worried about Volleyball, mainly the ministry trip, and working on patiently waiting till November, trying to make it through this busy week, making time to study for my tests, and going to my girlfriends for that much-needed girl rest time.
This post sounds really negative, but I, ah, whatever, yes, I am a fallen creature with bad attitudes and I can't pretty myself up because it's impossible. Nope, that's God's job, and with His help, I will get over this. I'll be perfect one day!
Nope, this isn't an exciting or fun post, almost sorry.

*

So I guess I really do have a super power.
I glow.

I can't help them.

Okay, woah.
I'm thinking a lot right now about this situation I'm doing my best to stay out of. I might be clear from it. Maybe, hopefully. Ouch. And I feel as though I may have caused this one to stumble, not that they were right on track in the first place, but I could have said something different, perhaps.
Lord, please use what I said to help this person. It is true that Your Word does not return void, and I did use Your Word. Lord, please push me out of the way so that this person can only see You. They need to see You, only You, and not me at all. I can't help them, but You can. And, please help me totally trust You with this. You've got this under control, and You will help them. God, please break this person's heart so that they will know that they need You. Please, please, please, please, please. Oh, God, please.
Hear my prayers and see my tears.
I know You do.
I love You.
And thank You so much for the love You've given to me freely, even though I've never deserved it and I never will. You are incredible. I do ask that You will be credible for this person, though. Help them to see that Your love is real. That You do love them. Oh, God. Help them.
Amen.