Well hello again

 

Well hello again. It's been a long time, over a year, since I've tended to this blog at all or shared a thought. I stopped writing for private reasons outside my control (it's definitely not the reason you think), but I think things have changed enough to allow me to come back and spill my guts to the internet again. I find myself having things I want to say out loud to someone, but I don't have an avenue for the things I want to say, that is, unless I pick up blogging again. There's just something about the long form, intimate nature of it, something that allows for more depth and study and time.

But, instead of going into some lofty thought or research, I need to catch you up on where I am these days! While I'm physically still in the same place (the same house in Atlanta), many other things have changed since--goodness--May 2019.

Big Deal Life Stuff

1. I did, in fact, birth the children I was carrying in my last post. We didn't know their sex before they were born (because, with the pregnancy being a surprise at all, and then twins ohmygod, why not have another big surprise tossed in?), and it was a (complex) joy to welcome two girls to the family. They were not healthy girls, I'm afraid, but Caroline's problem of not breathing outside the womb was sorted within a day and Emma Jane's congenital deformities (I prefer "facial differences" and will be using that term in the future) are being well managed. Yeah, it's been a trip.
2. I also quit my job. I quit my job coincidentally a week into our shelter-in-place order, but I had already made the decision that it was more mental difficulty than I wanted to work part-time and care for the kiddos part-time, coordinate the extra childcare, make it to Emma Jane's weekly medical appointments, and, you know, sleep. This was a very heavy decision for me, and I still have days (almost a year later) of regret or longing, but I confidently tell you that it was the best for all of us.
3. I'm a freelance UX Designer now... still waiting on my first paying client, though. You can read more about my professional progression here on Medium. I do hope you take a look, because I share about some things I'm very proud of. I'm tempted to write about it all again here, but I have other things to talk about at the moment...
4. The four of us (because there are four of us now) stay home 24/7. Caleb works from home, and my work is the home, and besides when I take Emma Jane to a therapy appointment (and then my parents come to babysit Caroline), we're the only company we have. We've thankfully worked out a system that mostly sees to everyone's needs for space and quiet, but we're actively looking for a house with more space and hope to move this spring. We were actually under contract for a house we really liked this past March, but that's also when the stock market started to fritz, and with all of our savings in the down payment, we didn't think it was the wisest decision. It was an upsetting call to make (Caleb really loved that house), but just a day later, when the world started turning worse, all our friends and family and then we, too, knew it was best to pull out. Turns out waiting for a year has put us and our savings in an even better position to get the amount of house space we need. I'm grateful.
   

Lesser Big Deal Me Stuff

1. I'm feeling more grounded in being a mother... kind of. Well, typing that out just made me feel weird inside, so I don't know about that after all. I think it's the word "mother" that has this sense of other to it. But I have settled into it. It has taken me a long time, but falling in love with my kids has helped it feel normal to be a mom. ("Mom" does feel better than "mother," though how fun would it be if my kids would call me "mother." And my mom could be "Grandmama." Because Downton Abbey... see below.)
2. I'm solidly settled into the label of "agnostic Christian" these days. I truly am pleased with where I am in faith and my spirituality. It feels right. It feels honest. It feels safe, not in the complacent way, but in the "I'm not in danger" way. I also have a newfound interest and something of a romance with the Orthodox Christian tradition, and I appreciate the sense of grounding and stability it offers.
   

Small Deal Stuff

1. I drink a lot of tea now. At least, I think it's a lot. Some days it's 4 mugs, which would be about 8 teacups. Ah, and I bought myself a vintage teacup! I love it and hope to have an open cabinet for its display soon. I've been in a big English Breakfast mood for months. It may be the colder weather, but it's also just homey. I listened to Infused: Adventures in Tea this past fall, and I've been inspired ever since to curate a tea cabinet of the finer teas, but more importantly, I want to make a permanent shift toward fair trade teas. Rishi tea is my current favorite along with the UK-based Rare Tea Company.
   
2. I find myself saying things like "I find myself" and "would that one could." I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey again and make sure to stay abreast of new seasons of Call the Midwife on Netflix, and Pride and Prejudice will probably join one of my evenings soon. Oh, and I also stopped using the double space between sentences! (I, for one, did not see that coming, but you can thank Medium's content style guide and universal default for this.)
   
3. I keep seeing handicrafts and illustrations on Instagram and think, "oh I want do that, oh I could do that," when of course the accounts that now fill my feed are from practiced crafters. Nevertheless, I've decided to start breaking into the world of... embroidery! Once a double set of stitch practice patterns arrive, I'll have 3 hoops to embroider, and I'm excited and just a little intimidated to get started. I have dreams of one day sewing clothes for my children and myself. My imaginations always include me being very good at it, but I don't even have a place to put a sewing machine if I even had one yet. (That's another goal I'm hoping our new house will fulfill.)
   

The Future of This Blog?

1. Well I won't be writing much about my shifting theology on this blog anymore (I think?), because I have a tightknit, (and most notably) safe online community for that now. No need to expose my heresises for the audience to judge, though I may throw in some healthy critique of the mainstream American Evangelical church here and there. Gotta keep in the good company of Beth Moore, ya know? (Love that woman.)
2. Above, I mentioned my professional progression post on my Medium account. I've been writing there about more career-related goings on, and I have been able to earn some money from it! It's funny thinking back to how I tried to monetize this blog, back in the day. I still would like to earn something from the time and energy I invest into this, but I'm not going to bother with it. Marketing is a bother, optimizing is a bother, and analyzing is a bother. So here we are, just us and this.
3. Truly, I'd love to hear if there's anything you'd like me to write about. Perhaps I'll share our progress with Emma Jane's feeding difficulties and how we now have her on a blenderized diet (basically, we make smoothies for her to eat and then use large syringes to push them through her feeding tube into her stomach). Or I'll write about what my amateur eco-friendly minimalism looks at this point in my life. Parenting philosophies. My homemade spaghetti sauce recipe. General frustrations with society. In my mind, this blog will be a space for all the things that I'd like to write on the microblogging Instagram platform, but I can't really find a good image to go with it or I really can't boil the content down to fit within the character limit.
4. I'm not really sure about what to do for the usual post image I like to include. I don't always have a good option on hand, so I might dip into pictures from Unsplash. We'll see how that goes.
5. Last thing: hosting. I dislike the Blogger platform, even more now than I did in 2019. While I've made some nice custom changes, I'd prefer to have my own url for this blog. LindsayEryn.com is already taken, by me, for my professional portfolio (badly in need of some updates), though, so I can't use that. I'm really not sure what direction to go in, though. My mind can't see that far ahead, it's like the door is closed. I really have no idea what to do. What do you think?
   
   

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Chances are, if you're reading this, you also follow me elsewhere on social media or we're real life friends, so you've likely already been caught up on all the rest. But, are you still reading blogs these days? If you are, how are you reading blogs these days? Does anyone still use Bloglovin? RSS feeds? Email newsletters? How are you and I going to do this?