To Be Feminist or Not to Be?

"You don't have to be pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked 'female'."
               - via wardrobe oxygen via Dress a Day

 What a relieving and rebellious idea!

I'm talked about feminism a good bit on this blog, and I... guys, I'm not a feminist.  I know that a lot of feminists claim that Feminism is about bringing equality to the sexes, but in America, it's not.  It's about elevating females to the same place as males, which is done through female-focused programs and calling out all of the terrible injustices committed against females.  The problem I have with this is how it leaves males in the dust.

In Response to "5 Great Reasons Modern Women Should Celebrate the Death of Chivalry"

via the article via HBO

I just read this article, "5 Great Reasons Modern Women Should Celebrate the Death of Chivalry."

#1 I hope for fairness and justice for everyone, regardless of their gender.

#2 I believe everyone should be treated with respect, civility, and kindness.

#3 This article made me sad.

Because of the wide breadth of everything the term Feminism encompasses, I'm learning that I can't just simply call myself a feminist and expect my stance to be understood by whomever I'm talking with.  Turns out there are different areas/ideas/subgroups of Feminism that I strongly disagree with.  Some Feminists think women are better than men, some think no thought should be given to the (obvious and true) differences between men and women, some thing the concept of chivalry is toxic to a developing society.  Um, no.

Recommended (+ struggles with feminism)

I'll put the song first so you can listen to it while you're looking over the rest.
"Young" by Daughter is a new and beautiful discovery from last week.




From Pinterest

I have recently accepted that the fox is now my favorite animal, and I started a new board for it two weeks ago.
Kumi Ito is a pinner with  great collections of things from Japan.
Check out Nobuo Tsuchiya's has Awesome country boards.

One more article, another one from my Friday evening:
"How my mother's fanatical feminist views tore us apart" by Rebecca Walker, daughter of famed feminist author Alice Walker

Because I stand for equality for the sexes, I am a feminist.  I do not agree that women should be over men, but they should be treated fairly and with dignity, as every human should be.  Over the last few years of reading articles and such about feminism and human rights issues and women being oppressed, I've seen a lot of people doing feminism right, and a few people who do it wrong.  Heck, I've been able to see how I was doing some things wrong.  I've also been able to identify a lot of ways that my views of women have been damaged, and I've been working hard to fix those things.

In this state of growth and having gone through many different perspectives by this point, I was very impressed to read Rebecca's personal account of one way feminism can be done wrong.  Rebecca called her mom out on a lot of things that had been resting in the back of my mind, too.  I'm thankful that her words have spoken into my mind and my heart, and I hope that their seeds will sprout strong and healthy.

What do you think about her article?  One of the parts that stuck out to me so strongly was her defense of motherhood.  I think I want to have kids one day, but I don't right now, and I've been having a hard time keeping motherhood and pregnancy in the right perspective.  The internal debate has been breaking my heart, actually, because I feel like I could be perceived as less of a woman if I don't want/have kids, but then I could be perceived as less of a Woman! if I break under the pressures of society.  It's a mess right now.  And it's all been brought to the surface because of the soon-to-be-made decision on birth control I have now that I'll be getting married.

Oy.  I should stop now before this gets worse.

A Few Pieces On Gender Roles To Get Me Thinking

I'm fascinated with the ideas of gender roles.

I think it would take a long time to explain everything that goes into why, but an overview would include a long held prejudice against girls, a long and ugly relationship with pornography, and a lack of good role models and mentors for all things puberty until I reached my 20's.  Once I got to those 20's, I rubbed against many new personalities I'd never seen before.  Girly girls, punk girls, solid girls, solid guys, chauvinistic guys, wimpy guys, and on and on.  In the mix of these different lifestyles, my own personality and character were growing through that environment.  Growing and learning.

Last night, I found Role Reboot, a website that deals with a redefining of gender roles for our times.  The site isn't run by people who share my worldview, and there's a lot that I do not agree with, but as we rub against different ideas, we better form our own.  When I was first exploring the site, I was like a kid in a candy store.  I eat this stuff up.

Here are some of my favorites.

Why You Shouldn't Ignore Me When I Ask To Split The Check

Killer Advertising
Six Key Ways To Create A Great Parenting Partnership

Ten Things Every Man Should Know Or Do By 30

Another interesting piece I've found through Miss Representation is Sexy Baby, "a documentary about sexiness and the cyber age."  It goes into how the overwhelming influence of porn has completely shifted culture's ideas of what's sexy and beautiful.  In porn, sexiness and beauty are defined for men and for women.  As porn becomes more and more of the norm and then as porn gets more and more extreme, the normal, real life sexuality isn't enough.  The girls who are trying to compete with porn are getting boob jobs and labiaplasty to look more like porn stars.

Just yikes.

I don't plan to see this film, but it does talk about important things that I care about very much, so I wanted to share.  

Just to add in case you think I'm getting all huffy and super high feminist (cuz really, I'm just a regular feminist), here's some humor about the girls who think they deserve everything in the world from Sharideth and her blog A Woman's Guide To Women: A Blog For Men:

50 Things Girls Want Guys To Know... And My Response To Them

Part One

Part Two

via Wikipedia by J. Howard Miller