Human moment in the Dekalb Farmer's Market

(Go ahead and read the story below, but I also wrote an update here!)

I met a man at the DeKalb Farmer's Market, my first week back in America.  He saw me watching the fishmongers and came from the group to talk to me.  I was a little embarrassed and said, "Sorry, I was just watching."  He told me it was okay, no problem, and he asked where I was from.  When he heard that I had been an English teacher, he said that I could be his English teacher, and he asked for my number.

I've been asked for my number from non-native English speakers many times.  Like, a lot.  So this was totally commonplace.  But, now that I'm in America, I felt like I needed to be more selective, I guess.  I said, "Um, no.  I have a boyfriend."

He told me, "Oh, no, that's not what I mean.  I know you have a boyfriend the moment I see you."

Well, shucks, okay, then of course you can have my number.

But really, that's what happened.

His name is Comé.  Comé called me the day after we met to chat.  I was driving at the time, so it was no problem.  He told me multiple times, "It is so good to hear your voice.  You are my first friend in America."  Wait, what?  "Yes, I give my number to many people I meet, but I think they don't like to talk to people who cannot speak English well," he says through his Beninese accent.  "I call them and send a message, but they do not pick up.  You are the first to talk to me, and you make big effort to understand me, and I work hard to understand you.  I think it is very good."

Suckered into this relationship or not, here I am, and I don't think I'm leaving.  In fact, I just got off the phone with him.  This, our second conversation, was a little over half an hour.  We talked about our families a little, we talked about work, and we found out we're both Christians.  He is Catholic, I am Protestant, but Comé told me kindly that we pray to the same God.

He asked me I pray.  I told him I've been forgetting to lately.

This is what he said to me.
You cannot become grow without pray.  You cannot become grow without pray.  But don't worry.  God follows everyone.  Everyone who is full of God, He follows everyone.  And He will give us what we need.

Schooled by a near stranger.  Totally schooled.

My First Time Observing Lent

Jubilee Church
Seoul, Korea

This place, it's got something.  The Spirit is there, man.  And, He, like, does things.

During the change of the calender year, the whole congregation of 500 strong had this misty energy.  Everyone was talking about change, new beginnings, and the Lord's faithfulness.  Some New Year's resolutions were made, but they were made with eyes set on the One who makes the difference.  I've never seen this kind of attitude surrounding this time of year, but I knew that I liked what I saw.  I saw one people, determined to live out the calling set before them and thankful for the reminder of God's coming promises.

A little before Ash Wednesday came around, Pastor Dave mentioned fasting for Lent in one of his sermons.  Even before PD had mentioned it, I'd heard snatches of conversations on the topic.  Once the sermon was delivered, everywhere I turned people were talking about it.  In the next few Sundays, no one I talked to didn't have something they were sacrificing for the 46 days until Resurrection Day.

Of all the bandwagons to jump on for the sake of jumping, well, this one might not be the best one to choose because God judges the heart, not your actions.  But... I kind of jumped on the bandwagon.

AND I'M SO GLAD I DID!

Honestly, nothing about observing Lent sounded like a bad idea, so I thought, "You know, there's something I've already been thinking I want less of in my life."  With that lead, but without praying about it or seeking any outside guidance, I decided to fast from Pinterest, Tumblr, and Twitter.  The Saturday before all this, in a sort of out of body experience, I saw myself consuming these blurbs and pictures of life like they were the air I breathed.  I was sitting at my computer for hours just scrolling through pictures of what I could be doing.  I was sincerely disgusted with myself when I realized that I live in freakin' Seoul and life is right outside my door for the taking.  So, just like that, I decided that I wanted to live the life God set for me, not the one the Internet whispered I could have.  I didn't want to deal in "could" anymore.  I wanted to do.

In addition to this fast, I've been reading the Bible like a hoss.  I've been following a chronological schedule since January, and I've been trying to truck through so that I can finish the whole Bible in 180 days instead of the prescribed 365.  Starting the fast was difficult at first, I used to go to these sites for my wind-down and for pleasure, but having something of legitimate (and eternal) value to turn to instead started to make things easier.  In fact, there were many nights when I came home from work and wanted my computer to remain off.  I actually wanted to read the Bible instead.  For hours.  How weird is that?!  To top it all off, there have been some serious happenings that have compelled me to spend extremely long lengths of time in prayer.  I'm telling you, man, this has not been usual for the first 23 years of my life.

After the first week and a half, I started to feel my desire for those hollow shells drain away.  It actually became very easy to not care about it.  I was... free.  Tumblr didn't own me.  Pinterest didn't hold my happiness anymore.  Twitter didn't define my value in follower figures.

This morning, when the fast was over, I logged in to Twitter with friends clapping around me for completing this small act of sacrifice.  I scrolled down the screen for a few moments and then wanted to get back to my friends in real life.  This afternoon, I checked in to see what I'd missed on Pinterest.  Within seconds, I was incredulous.  "Why in the world was I following those boards?  How did I not get sick of all this blabber about stuff I don't really care about?  I'm not even engaged, what the heck's up with all this wedding junk?"

I checked my sister's, by BFF's, and my boyfriends pages and got off.  I, this is weird but, I didn't even want to be there.  It felt toxic to me.

Please, allow me to explain how I am not condemning any of these sites.  While they can be used for unhealthy things or to unhealthy degrees (see my life before Lent), moderation rocks, social media can be excellent tools in relationships, and a free online picture catalog is a sweet deal that I still appreciate greatly.  I hold no judgement, I only want to express how I was chained to these things and now those chains are gone.

The chains are gone.  The chains ARE gone.

The groping claw of the Internet was keeping me from living.  It was telling me that I'm only as valuable as the number of blog comments I have.  I'm only as popular as long as I'm gaining new followers.  I'm only cool if I pin the hippest things first and with the wittiest captions.  The worst part was, I was believing the lies.  I was so blinded, I was begging for husks to feed on.  I devoured what I could find on one site.  I sucked it dry then moved to the next until I was left as empty as before at the bottom of my news feed.

Now, I still struggle with how my Internet personality does not reflect my real worth.  But, I have seen what it's like to be on the other side.  I know what it's like to refuse anything less than value.  I know what it's like to depend on the Word and prayer for sustenance instead of images of what other people find their worth in.  And, I know what it's like to not need the Internet for my happiness.  Truly, God has given me back everything I sacrificed, but He gave it back to me better.  How could I ever again choose the gristle over the meat?

But, I know exactly how I could choose the gristle over the meat.

I am humbled by what God has shown me over the last 46 days.  Through my fast, my reading, my praying, the community at church, and PD's recent sermons, I've learned an invaluable lesson about choosing value.  We're designed to do so, you know.  It's been wired into our system to choose value.  We are made in God's image and, as such, God put that into us so we would seek value as He does and ultimately find Him.  I hope, I hope and I pray, I hope so badly that I will choose Him at every chance.  I know that my heart is unfaithful and foolish.  I hate that I'm going to fail Him when decisions come.  But (and this is my last "but"), He is faithful when I am not.  He has chosen me, and His hand is strong.  He will not let me go.

Praise the Lord, my Father who loves me.
I am His, and He is mine.
The victory and all power belongs to Him, and He is risen indeed.

Happy Resurrection Day!

Writing what I need to read

Hey, I just wanted to remind myself and whoever else needs it that the God of the Bible, the God I follow, is trustworthy.  He knows what's happened, He knows what's going on, and He's knows what's coming.  And He cares.

My future is a big, bold, and beautiful splash of all my favorite colors against stark canvas.  I didn't think I'd be in this place again, but I pretty much have no idea what the next few years of my life will look like.  I don't know how long I'm going to stay in Korea, and I don't know what I'll do when I finally do go back home.  Add to this some very frustrating circumstances at work, a very busy schedule, and my own general fallenness, and you've got unstoppable tears at the Wednesday night worship service.

Uncertainty is scary to me (a planner, a controller, and a fixer), but I'm thankful that I can say I'm not freaked out by this uncertainty (don't be fooled by those unstoppable tears).  Watching things fall out of my control would have spun my mind and stopped the gears two years ago.  After having to learn this lesson again and again, I know that I can stand on these things of which I am sure.

My soul is secure.

No matter what else there is, I know that I am the Lord's, He is mine, and we're in this together.  I could write a whole other post about the joy that fills me with, but we'll stick to just that for now.

I'm going to be okay.

As if having God Almighty as my guide and friend wasn't enough, He's also given me resourcefulness, gumption, discernment, and an increasing level of something that echoes of fearlessness.  Also, I am not alone.  I have people who love me, and I have ways to take care of myself.  Even by the world's standards, I'm going to be okay.

I've got all I need in God.

Whatever is lost, whatever is sacrificed, I will always have Him, and that will always be enough.  May He continue to impress this beautiful truth on my heart, and may I freakin' live like it.

Photo by Azarah Eells {Source}

So go and be fearless.  You above all others have reason to be.  Have you not already been promised safety, love, and adventure?  Dear friend, if you're God's, then I'm telling you now: you've got an awesome life ahead of you.  Go and live it.  Go and live.

Stay away from evil... right?

Warning: This is a conceptual post in which I essentially think out loud.  This is something I'd talk about with my close friends, and, most of them are back in the States right now, but I still want to talk about these things.  I would love for you guys to add to the discussion in the comments.

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Stay away from evil.

...Right?

Well, okay, okay.

Stay away from evil, yes, but away from evil people?  No.

Is that better?

Not good enough?

How about we just stay away from the appearance of evil then.

We can hang out with whomever we want (or whomever we think needs Jesus), but we can't look like we're actually doing what they're doing.   How's that?

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Here I tell you about the first principle of mine that's been challenged while living here in Korea.

When I came to Korea, I was prepared for the culture shock that was sure to come.  I have never lived in Asia before, I have never even lived in a city before, and I have never been a teacher before.  But I was ready.  Strangely enough, I've had hardly any adjustment, it's as if I've slipped right into a location I was made for.  Yeah, I wish I knew the language so I could communicate well, but there's hand motions and dictionaries for that.  (And I've started Korean lessons!)

I would boldly say that Korea hasn't given me any culture shock.  No, it's actually come from the foreigners at work.

I grew up in a very sheltered, nurturing Christian environment.  I've been enrolled in a Christian school for all but three years of my sixteen years of education.  I've worked with some unbelievers at a pizza shop and at an office supplies store, but that was only up to eight hours a day, and most of my time was spent with customers or pizza dough, anywhere.

Then I moved here.

The 16 of us foreign teachers live in the same neighborhood.  We hang out with each other all the time.  We live together, two by two.  Daniel and I will have been in the same apartment for two months this weekend.  We eat together, we drink together, we go to norebong together, and we have out-of-town adventures together.  I'm with these people almost as much as I was with my college friends back in the dorm days.

These people are different than the folks I've been around before.  They do, say, believe, and laugh at very different things.

I love them.  In fact, I like them.  I enjoy their company.  They enjoy mine (from what I gather).  We hang out at the bars.  We talk about whatever.  We discuss where life comes from.

This is the opposite of what I used think I was supposed to do.

I knew we were supposed to evangelize to unbelievers, and I later found out we were supposed to develop relationships with them, but am I supposed to go to the bars with them?

In her conventionality shattering post "Grace Runs," Alece Ronzino details Jesus' experiences with the appearances of evil.

(Since that post was the inspiration for my own, I suggest/ask/implore you to read it.  It's excellent.)

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What do you think?

On being a Christian, being nice, and being happy

I am tired of being known as a good person.

Because being good isn’t good enough.

Being good isn’t what I am after.

I am after a life lived to the fullest. A life lived to glorify God.

And you get that by laying your life down for others. You can’t pick that up in a bookstore, and you’re not always going to get it in church on a Sunday morning .

When we are redeemed, we are called to righteousness, not to merely being good.  If we were around when Jesus walked the earth, I don't think "good" is how we'd first describe Him.  His example includes (though is surely not limited to) speaking love and truth, doing what's right, calling out the pharisees who were leading astray His loved ones, and harshly rebuking those who were deceiving His children.  There was also that one time when he made His own whip and ran out the traders who had turned the temple into a flea market.

As Nicole puts it so well in her highly recommended post, The Dangerous Christian,

"Niceness is not a command."

We aren't called to be sweet, we're called to be like Christ.  We're called to love to the point of dying for others, and, sometimes, that can be brutal, cussin' difficult, and straight up insane.  "It is a radical, risk-taking, unconventional, challenging, hard-to-swallow-at-times love that brings people to Christ." 

May this be the love I live. 

Goody two shoes and sick of it

This post is inspired by

Matt's post "The Most Boring Christian I Know" on his blog The Church of No People

And

Kyle's post "I Wish I Was A  Bad Kid" on his blog Kyle Reed TV

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When my parents found out they were going to have a little girl (me!), they decided they should start going to a church so their daughter would have a chance to grow up in a good environment.  Lo and behold, both Mom and Dad met Jesus over the next couple years, and Mom said some adorable prayer with me when I told her I, too, wanted to go to heaven.  WWJD bracelets whiz past as we take a quick look at the rest of my childhood.  Christian home, Baptist church, and four mission trips.  Only three years of my education were spent outside of Christian schools.  The furthest I'd ever been from my Christian life was the fifteen minute drive home from the Little Caesars I worked at with the rough kids for one summer.

Fast forward to 2011, and I'm a 23-year-old good girl who spends all her days and most of her nights in a tightly knit group of unbelievers from all different worldviews.  This, friends, has been the culture shock of moving here.  Not Korean culture, the culture of the world.

I have been offered more alcohol (and I have drunk more alcohol) in the last month and a half than in the rest of my life combined.  I have started picking up curse words, my views on couples living together before marriage are being challenged, and, actually, I think this is all a good thing.

Let me clarify.  I have been challenged.  For the first times!  How awesome is that?!

Moving to this community has put me in so many situations that have required the discernment I have been gathering for the last 23 years.  See, I've been challenged, and the Lord has been bringing me out on top.  (Ah, now you can agree that this is awesome, right?)

Now, I have purposed in my heart to live in a way that honors the Lord.  But, to be honest, I have a strange streak in me that wants to cut loose.  To have the risky encounters.  To get the wild stories.

Praise be to God for triumphing daily in my life!  To be honest again, I don't want to do anything I would regret.  I don't want to break the hearts of my loved ones and especially not the heart of Jesus!  I am thankful that He has set before me a different kind of adventure.  May He continue to turn my heart joyfully toward this path and may He continue to keep me from acting like an idiot.

The straight and narrow is called such for a reason.  It's a hard road to walk, but it's totally worth it.

Challenges and Truth

This week's challenges:

I have come from a very sheltered and safe and untroubled life within my family and my schools to an environment where I am surrounded by people who don't believe nor act the same way that I do.  My first week in Korea, I was craving the fellowship of the brethren.  Going to church for the first time here was an overwhelming experience, and I wanted to cry from the beauty of the community.  I get to go again tomorrow, but, throughout the week, I keep seeking encouragement, challenges, and affirmation.  Here is the result.

photo by Zach Ahern

As women, it seems we’ve reached the heights of equality. But, what’s really happened is that our prisons were simply relocated. Chained no longer to husbands and children, we are slaves to sexuality.

 Be a part of breaking the chains!

I hope that every time we say, "Sex before marriage is harmful," we’ll say, “Sex after marriage is neon awesome.”

Be a part of the cure for the widespread confusion Christians have about sex.

via Etiquette for a Lady

Every billboard seemed to scream at me, "You will never be sexy enough, you will never attractive enough, you will never have enough money - I will sell you this lifestyle if it's the last thing I do." It's convincing, but what Hollywood doesn't know is that I'm driving home to my inbox full of women who have been destroyed by the lifestyle that those billboards and reality TV shows have been selling. 

Remember who you are.  You are the Lord's.

Many of us want to do something awesome, something epic. We tend to think that the more normal, the less “spiritual.” So it is quite possible that our aspirations to be radical stem from dangerous ambitions to perform biography-worthy feats of global glory.

Don't buy into romanticizing global missions and don't fall to discontentment with your local mission field.