I suppose it's usually this way, but this has been quite the year. I think of words like unexpected, trying, growth, unleashed. I want to tell you some of it, but there's too much to share everything. Starting from the smaller things, here are some of the important pieces.
Small-ish things
I tried a lot more foraging and made an
Instagram account to help me record my journey. Caleb bought a video game for us called Hollow Knight and I am almost consumed with it! I framed pressed ferns and hung them in my kitchen. A new Brazilian coffee shop opened nearby,
Buteco, and I tell everyone about it every chance I get. I got to see
Lion King on stage! I took a serious step back from Twitter and Facebook for a few months. That was nice. All of this was good stuff.
Bigger than what's above, but maybe not worthy of its own section, I was knighted as a moderator and then an administrator of a Facebook group that's now over 6,500 people. It's a little weird bringing this up here, but it's been a big part of my life since the summer. The group is a discussion and support hub for folks in similar faith spaces as me - folks who are deconstructing or restructuring their faith. The responsibility has been big. I've put a lot of energy into moderating the group and participating in logistics and vision-casting behind the scenes. One other admin and I led an ambitious initiative this month to bring on additional mods, clarify the purpose and guidelines, and better support the members. It's been a lot, and now that I've written it all out, I can see that this definitely deserves to be mentioned and celebrated.
Personal development
Last fall I realized that I had been expecting Caleb to completely carry the responsibility for our marriage from what I'd been taught from complementarianism (i.e. the husband is the leader, wife submits). This led to very unfair and undue pressure on him and hurt. When I realized that our marriage could be stronger if we both took ownership for it, I found much more freedom and ambition to help guide us toward things that would be good for us.
To help me find my footing, I took leadership courses at my church - three different ones, and completed a total of 8 books, 18 lecture series and discussion groups, and 4 presentations! I'm very proud of the work I put into this and the decision I made to claim and better this part of myself and my relationship. I also identified my Enneagram type. That framework has been the most helpful tool in understanding myself and how I relate to others. (I'll write more about this later, and I'm excited to share!)
Physical development
In September, I checked out a nearby yoga studio. I'd done yoga videos by myself before, and I was nervous about not having the language or skill to be even a beginner, but my intro to the studio was welcoming and lacked judgement. I kept going, twice a week, sometimes more. I started weight lifting at home twice a week and taking walks to supplement my exercise plan. I kept pushing myself, and I found myself pressing into and accepting the discomfort. I noticed how my body became more pliable, more comfortable in poses. Then one day I was able to lift my feet from the floor and hold myself up entirely on my arms! It was jut for a second, but it was amazing! Arm balances had always seemed so inaccessible to me, and now, 3 months later of moderately consistent but intentional trying and practice, I can hold some simpler arm balances for over 5 seconds! I'm so proud! And I'm so excited to see where I'll be this time next year!
Professional development
In January, I started a new full-time job in my field as the Sr. Admin Assistant at Pivotal Labs Atlanta. This isn't what I want to do forever, but being here has helped me discover what I
do want to do with my career.
In April, I listened to one of our Product Designers talk about what he does for a living. He talked about interviewing users, pinpointing their problems, listening to their struggles, and then planning and reiterating on the app/website/experience to bring a better product to the market.
That's what a designer does? Sign me up! I didn't realize there were so many human-focused elements to the work, and I didn't realize there was so much process. I started digging in, reading a lot, planning out a way to test this idea, and then found myself moving forward toward this career change!
I've been writing about it some on a new
Medium blog, and I made a
portfolio for my work so far! This is all still a work in progress, but I'm
especially proud to share that I applied to a role in November, didn't get the job (they decided to not hire at this time), but I got halfway through the process and did pretty well! Again, I can't wait to see what happens in 2019 here.
Faith
I could say a lot, but at this time, I'd like to simply share that my relationship with God has been beautiful and sweet. It feels reborn. I'm feeling more grounded and secure than last year. I've read a lot. I still have questions, but I also have trust, and I love that.
Marriage
Last year, 2017, was an especially painful year for Caleb and I, but this year has been especially healing. We actually just came out of another trying time, an are-we-gonna-make-it time, but overall, Caleb and I have been able to rise to meet each other better. Communication has improved, empathy and understanding has grown, trust was put through the wringer but then came out purer. More than ever, we now grasp the breadth and depth of our differences and dissension, but more and more we're finding how belonging, love, and friendship transcends. A new couples counselor, family, weekly friend groups, and regular hangs with other couple friends have been welcome support to keep us pointed in the right direction. I could go on, but my partner is a private person, he wouldn't appreciate me sharing too much more in public, and I want to respect his need for privacy. :)
Reflection
I've seen myself come alive with energy, self-assurance, the willingness to try and experiment, openness, and action. I am so proud for the person I'm becoming, but especially how much growth I've shown this year. I haven't had a year like this before, there's been so much newness, so much "I'm going to do this and see what happens," so much courage.
In January, I heard of a friend of a friend who'd set a new year's resolution to fail more.
Her story has inspired me this entire year to try new things, see what happens, and expand my view of what's possible and attainable for me. I'm so thankful for the opportunities, feedback, and encouragement I've received along the way.
I'm in the middle of what's become a busy holiday season, and I'm always hesitant to set long-term goals for myself, but I would love to see myself land a job as a UX Designer, I would love to knock out some more yoga pose goals, pursue my close friends, gain better control of myself in conflict, start a consistent meditation practice, and keep reading lots.
Lindsay, you worked hard. You invested in your self and in others, and you reaped good things. Keep going, friend.
