Back in America: The Second and Third Weeks

Following up with what's been going on in my soul since returning to America, here are a few of the aspects I remember (or noted down) about the second and third weeks.

Week #2

Koreans do celebrate Christmas, and they do decorate for Christmas, too, a little.  Usually it's the department stores and coffee shops that put on the lights and decorations.  The apartment buildings... nope I've never seen them decorated.

Coming back to America during Christmas time was like an added culture shock of sorts.  (Just a little one.)  I'd already been in the habit of mentally pointing out everything that seemed new, different, strange, and weird about America, and the Christmas decorations got thrown into the pile every so often.  I felt like a total Grinch, but when I saw Christmas-y things, I thought, "Why are people spending money on this?"

I do know that I've been feeling like Charlie Brown for the last couple years, though.  The commercialism has gotten right under my skin since my senior year of college.  I've even started differentiating between the cultural community holiday of Christmas (which celebrates family, joy, and peace) and Advent (which celebrates the coming of the Salvation of the world in the baby Jesus).

That's getting off topic.  The point I was trying to make was this: Christmas was weird to me, and I didn't like it very much.

Let the weights fall.

My ex-boyfriend got married last weekend.

I've been feeling some different feelings, and I do think that's okay, but it's felt awkward having them inside and wanting to talk about them but not knowing who with and would that person just think I was being melodramatic anyway because, gosh, didn't you guys break up over 3 years ago, and aren't you in a great relationship with this other guy now?  Well, yeah.  I know how ridiculous it is to be thinking so much about it. I know how ridiculous it is to then even write about it.  And I know how ridiculous it will be when said ex find this on the internet and thinks, "Gee whiz, this girl has got to get a grip."

In my defense: No worries, bro, I'm cool.  I'm cool.  There's no pining going on here.

I think what's got me with my head cocked to one side is this issue of the lack of closure.

It's unfortunate, it really is.  And, when we were still talking, he and I had apologized, accepted apologies, spoke cordially to each other, and made motions to move on.  After all this, however, I started to look back on different facets in our relationship and I started to find more and more that didn't make sense.  More red flags, more hidden hurts, more things I was able to recognize as negative for the both of us.  It was during this discovery that anger and bitterness started to seep in.

I like to pretend that, if I were to be in the same situations now that I'm 24, that I'd recognize damage for what it is.  I like to think I'd be able to sense when insecurities were starting to speak and also to shake.  I hope that I'd stand up for myself and for who I've been so happy to become.  Unfortunately for all involved, I was not as strong then as I'm told I am now.  I let myself believe things I shouldn't.  Even worse, I started to blame him for making me believe those things.

I have a friend who also date this fellow.  She dated him before me.  It was awkward between her and I for a few years, but after he and I broke up and after time let things settle, this girl invited me to Korea, we started chatting, and we've become excellent friends.  We met this past week for lunch and talked about everything, including this recent marriage of the boy.  Listening to her speak of him and his future aroused a sincere admiration for her and for the growth and maturity she displayed in her speech.  She has been able to reconnect with him as acquaintances and as distant friends.  She is able to be happy for him and his new wife.  She understands how I feel, yes, but she has walked even further up the road of understanding to somewhere I haven't been able to go yet.

I wish I had that.  I wish I'd had the chance to yell and scream and to get everything out that has creeped in and made me resentful.  I want it off my chest and out of my life.  Not him, it's not him that I want out of my life, it's the nasty feelings I've put around him.  They aren't helping anyone.  They certainly aren't making me feel any better.  They're clouding those two years with a sticky fog that makes the good parts hard to see.

And, you know, there were many good parts.  I still have records in my journals and memories, too.  I know that this guy is not for me, but I know that he would be good for someone.  And, you know, I think it's nice that he's found that someone to be good for.

My BFF Millie said something very wise to me about this.  She told me, Lindsay, you have grown a lot in these last few years.  I am certain that he has, too.

Ah.  Ah, yes.  That makes a lot of sense.

It's... childish of me to think that he hasn't changed.  It's unfair for me to not be gracious and to pin only the bad memories on him and our relationship.  I want that to change.  I'm going to do something about it.

Dear Ex,

I feel bad that it's taken me so long to be able to say this with a contrite heart, but congratulations!  I'm glad that you've found what I'm sure is happiness.  I'm sorry that I've allowed myself to harbor such bitterness towards you.  I'm sorry that I didn't have things worked out in my head in time to talk them out with you when we had those apologies on chat.  You hurt me in ways that I didn't realize, and I've wanted you to know how and I've wanted to hear you say sorry.  I'm going to grow up.  I know that you're sorry and that you didn't mean to cause this damage.  I know it might sound very puffed up, but I'm being very vulnerable here.  I forgive you.

I wish you the best.  I'm happy for you.

Oh!  And thank you for all of the good that you did for me.  There was a lot.

Should we meet again on this side, I think it would be a good meeting.

Sincerely,

Lindsay Eryn McKissick

And  that's what I call closure.

  (Now where's the ice cream?)

:)

Gwanghwamun Photography Date

My good friend Steph and I, when we were first starting to be friends, found that we had a mutual interest in getting better at photography.  We both have cool looking DSLRs, but we're not the super best at using them just yet.  Therefore, we decided to try and go out together to practice.  We finally had some time in November to have our photography day, and Steph chose the perfect place.  Samcheong-dong in Seoul, including Bukchon, Insadong, and Gwanghwamun.

A peaceful statement at the entrance of one of the many hanok houses in Bukchon

I would love to have these on the top of my own roof.

Elegance Class Goes on a Field Trip: Science Museum

On my last day of work, the preschool classes had a field trip!  Also, my co-teacher, Bridget, was assigned to a different class for the day.  This meant that I had my lovelies all to myself for our last hours together.

They were absolutely wonderful.  I'd never seen them so alive and excited to roam around.  They constantly said, "What's that?"  I said, "I don't know!" and they would pull my hand and run toward the mystery.  I love learning myself, and I am so eager to instill that in my kiddos, too, so I was on cloud nine.  I was with my favorite children in the world, they were happy, we were learning, and everything was perfect.

Here are some pictures.

Waiting outside

Exploring

The girls were taken with the astronaut.

Typical

Min-Sun in the astronaut helmet

Not always the most put together group, but definitely my favorites.

Ryan was taking these pictures for us.  The kids loved getting to use my camera.  They also love putting their scarves on my head.

Yoo-Jin was especially darling today.

Judy was absent this day, but these are my kiddos and I.  Ah, I will never see them again, but I will love them for always. For always.  If I say more, I'll be rambling, but know that I could go on forever about these wonderful children.  

Back in America: The First Week

When you hear me talk about America for the next couple... months, you can expect honesty.  I have had mixed feelings about America for a while, I have been in a different culture for 16 months and I now have a different country and system to compare America to.  I'm able to see things more objectively, but I am also terrible biased towards Korea and against America at this time.

I want you to know that I am not planning on having these negative feelings forever.  I hope that I'm able to work through them and reconcile them soon.  I do know that this will take time, grace and understanding, not just on my part, but from the people around me, as well.

With all that said...

My first steps off of the plane in Atlanta, I already had a disgusted look on my face.
"America.  Ugh.  Non-Asian people.  Ugh.  English.  Ugh."

(I told you I was going to be honest.)

Leaving Korea

I wasn't making it public knowledge that I would be returning to the States on November 26th because it was a secret that I was returning to surprise my boyfriend for his birthday on November 29th.  The surprise went splendidly, and it's wonderful being around Caleb again.

It is important to know that choosing to return to America was choosing to actively invest in my relationship with Caleb.  In Korea, I had many, many things going for me.  I had a job I loved and students who loved me.  I had a home at my church and brothers and sisters to talk and play with.  I had a dance team and lessons available in styles that I enjoyed.  I was living in a vibrant city with so much to offer.  I'm sure that if you caught me on an off day I'd find things to complain about, and I am glad that I just missed the bitter Korean winter.  Beyond the trickiness that came from working with the system of my private school and the cultural differences that made relationships and communication difficult, Korea was wonderful.

Preparing to leave the life I grew in Korea ripped me to shreds.  Two weeks before I left, I was weeping as I thought about leaving my students.  I cried about not getting a solid closure of a good bye with most of my co-workers.  Packing was such a daunting and heartbreaking task, I put it off as long as possible.

A week before I left, everything I did was labeled as "The last time I..."  The last time stepping out of Sinsa station.  The last sermon I'd hear at Jubilee.  The last Monday teaching Elegance Class.  The last Tuesday.  The last...

The last week raged forward with no mercy.  My replacement was at school, there was training to do, future syllabi to write, and loose ends to tie up all over the school.  I was worried that I would feel the time slipping through my fingers.  I was worried I would feel like everything was suddenly ripped out of my arms before I had a chance to say proper good byes and to give proper hugs and kisses.

Therefore, I was amazed, so amazed, when I found myself in the Incheon airport without a tear in my eye.  No sobs.  No freak out moments.  The time was here, and that was okay.

My last week had been insanely busy, yes, but I did have dinner dates set up for every evening of the week.

Monday: David and Sim, my krump buddies
Tuesday: Alice Nam, my Bible study leader and mentor

Wednesday: Nicole, my best girlfriend in Korea
Thursday: "Ann," the lady I tutored (We had Thanksgiving dinner together this night.)

Friday: Staff good bye and welcome party

Saturday: Co-worker Thanksgiving and church Thanksgiving

It's hard for me to believe because, when I put reality up next to what I expected my last week to be, there is no similarity at all.  But talking with each of my dinner dates helped me, little by little, accept and prepare for leaving Korea.  David and Sim told me to not stop dancing and to not let myself slip into a comfortable life.  Alice gave me encouragement and wisdom about returning to America.  Nicole gave me rest and understanding and love in so many areas.  Ann reminded me that I wasn't the only sad about my departure and of how important it is to keep in touch with the people I love whom I'm leaving behind.  Friday's staff party let me relax and have fun after a stressful week.  And being with my church friends one last time reminded me of how much I am loved and how rich I am in friends.

And saying good bye to my students?  On Friday, my last day, the preschool classes had a field trip to a science museum.  I think my supervisor had a hand in this: my co-teacher was assigned to a different class, and I had Elegance Class all to myself.  Six of my most favorite people in the world held onto me every chance they could and ran around pulling my arm and saying "Teacher, what's that?!"
"I don't know!  Let's go find out!"

Three hours of that made me the happiest teacher in the whole world.  I know it sounds cheesy, but the love was all over the place.  We were having the best fun.  No one worried about me leaving, we just enjoyed what was in front of us.  It was beautiful, and I could not have asked for a better last day.

One of my foreign co-teachers, Blake, and I share a class.  He let the 5 students use his entire class period to write notes and letters and to draw good bye pictures for me.  It was so very good and fulfilling to know that I'd made such a difference in these kids' lives.  We were all sad, but this is the kind of situation I think Dr. Seuss was talking about when he said to be happy that things have happened and not upset that they're over.

There's a lot more to the story, but it has to do with the Returning to America part as opposed to the Leaving Korea part.  I still have hard times accepting that I've left Korea.  I've been in America for only 20 days, and the adjustment has been rough in different ways.  If you follow the blog, you can expect many ramblings on the topics of reverse culture shock, the differences between America and Korea, and how my loved ones and I are dealing with the process.

But hey.  Here's this.  I've had a life changing 16 months.  Who knows what the next 16 months will be like? In the near future, I'll be celebrating Advent and Christmas with family and friends.  I'll be going to the Passion Conference in January.  I'll be attending a holiday swing dance next week.  Also, I plan to volunteer at OM Arts for a brief time as I work out the employment situation.

Stick with me, friends.  It's been a bumpy (but blessed, if I can say that without sounding like a total dork) ride.

Vacation: Boracay, The Philippines

I never told you guys about my trip to Boracay over Chuseok (which fell on the first weekend of October)!  I'll share through pictures.

On the way out to the island of Boracay, we took one of these small banca boats.

Some of my companions weren't entirely pleased about the small, tippable size of the boat, but once the engine had started and we were cruising through the crystal clear water, they were more than happy to smile for a picture.
** Check out Sumuroy Ablen's comments below for excellent information on these boats and why they're actually super safe!  Thanks, Sumuroy!  **

This was my first view of the island.

My friend and I at church!
Going to church was my favorite part of my entire trip.  It's a challenge having to write about what happened, but as I do my best, remember that my experience there was deeper than anything I ever would have expected to come out of a 5-day vacation to paradise.

I was having some serious personal issues going on during this time, in many different areas, too.  I was feeling swamped with pressures all over the place.  Well, who knew that the messages communicated through children's singing (which I usually don't care for), a solo number by a fantastic belter, and the sermon delivered by a visiting missionary pastor from Shang Hai would flip my entire perspective upside down.  I know, I know it sounds so cheesy, but if you'd seen my face as we walked out of the building and into the sunshine, you'd know it was real.  Such a great weight had been lifted and had been replaced by a joy I hadn't know in ages.  Ages.

The church we visited was where a virtual friend of mine went.  See, I was searching the internet for blogs about Boracay and found Gretchen.  I messaged her, and we struck up a conversation which led to me visiting her here and to us becoming real life friends.  (Read the whole story here and see Gretchen's blog here.)  Well, not only was it really cool getting to make Gretchen's actual acquaintance, but it was super neat meeting the other missionary teachers there and the locals.  Gretchen invited us over to their certain area of the island for snorkeling, a boat ride, and beach volleyball.

Of course pick up beach volleyball usually isn't the most organized of affairs, but it was a blast.  Missionary teachers, two of my friends, and local children all having fun together.

Little guys in the sun

This is the boat my friends and I got to ride on!  We sat out on the ends of the balances.  We got so wet, and Sim almost lost his glasses.

Young'ins being cool

This is a side street that takes you to a great open market called D'Talipapa.  There were all kinds of fresh fruits and seafood as well as dried fruits and other snacks.  There were island shops and trinkets to buy along with jewelry and wonderfully priced freshwater pearls.  (I bought a few pairs.)

D'Talipapa
Don't take anything at asking price.  I would bargain down to half of that and later realize I'd been ripped off still.  And, it's tricky bartering down, because The Philippines is a developing nation with so many people living in poverty.  Sometimes I just wanted to help the people make their living.  However... I also don't like being taken advantage of.  It was a strange line to have to walk.

Buko shakes!  Buko shakes!  Buko shakes!
Besides the fresh, melt-in-your-mouth mangoes, these were the most delicious thing I had on the island!  The buko is a fruit similar to the coconut.  It makes a damn good smoothie.  Sweet yet just that perfect amount of salty and a touch of savory.  Rich and thick like the best cream you've ever had.  They were mind blowing good.

This is the view from our beach house balcony.  Right on the beach, beautiful colors, sea smell... It reminded me of a perfect home I had in Puerto Rico.

We stayed at the beach house of the Pito Beach Huts.

I visited the missionary school one morning.  I just watched for the majority of the time, but I did get to have a few small conversations with the kids.  (Their English was so much better than my students' in Korea!)

Some kind of wall ball in the hallway of the school

The strip along White Beach
Hawking vendors galore, massage tables, restaurants, and in the evening, open air buffets on the sand.  The man you see in the foreground was selling ice cream bars.  I bought a homemade variety that was made by his wife.  It was super yummy and cheaper than the name brand stuff.

The lady on the right is the current principal at the missionary school.  Her twin daughters are on the left.  She was the one who introduced me to the ice cream man in the previous picture and who gave us the tip about the homemade ice cream bar.  She was super friendly and very happy to be there.  I'm really glad I got to meet her and her family.

Like how India has its untouchables, these native-native children are part of a castaway people group.  They are part of the race that was in the Philippines before the Spanish settlers.  Many of them are beggars along the beach strip.  As I was walking home from a restaurant a little behind my friends (I'd been trying to take a picture), I saw a young man giving food to these children.  I asked if I could take their picture and caught up with my friends.  I realized that it was my friend Jason who'd given them the food.  It was a sweet moment when I got to show him the picture I snapped.

Here are two other young beggar children eating at a buko.

There I am on the beach with the evening blue sky.

And here I am in my Chacos and super happy to be on a tropical island again.

The entire stay in Boracay was lovely, but it was unfortunate that the clearest surf was saved for the day we left early in the morning.  As our boat pulled into the dock, I had no trouble at all seeing the blue and white starfish, sea urchins, and fishes in the water below.  It was beautiful.

In a van we drove in

There is a small airport we stopped at between Manila and the small island of Boracay.  On our way back, we had a little over an hour before we had to check in.  I convinced my friend Felicia to go exploring with me outside.  Near the airport were some houses and rain forest.  I was taking a picture of this place when the man you can see in the shadows asked if I'd like to buy the house.  

I really like cows.

I really, really like cows.  

On the way back to the airport

Right outside the airport, this young man was selling some drink that I only caught a glimpse of as he dipped some out for a local.  I jumped at the chance to have something legitimately Filipino, and I paid about 50 cents for whatever was in the buckets.

This is what was in the buckets.  Tapioca, tofu, and some syrup.  It was warm.  I really wanted to like it, but I didn't get far before throwing it away.
(Keith Cruise commented below let me know that the drink's name is taho.  Thanks, Keith!)

Almost out of the country, two friends and I arranged to spend a good sized layover in Manila.  We hit up the Mall of Asia and, after wandering around the stores and getting our fill of Western food, collapsed in the Starbucks for hours.  I know that's a strange thing to do in a foreign country, but maybe it would help to know that The Philippines is a very westernized country in the first place, and also we were pretty pooped after our trip and just wanted familiar and low key things to enjoy.

And there you have it!  My favorite part, outside of church and its effects, was getting into the culture.  I hung out with local children, got to spend time with them at school, I got off the beaten path by roaming around the streets that go deeper into the island, and I asked some of the locals for their picture.  (I'd never asked strangers for their picture before.)  It was so great, and I'm so glad that I dug into The Philippines.  I know that I would have had a great time if I'd only stayed on the beach and in the restaurants, but it would have been as rich nor as memorable.  Through my short stay there, through the purpose behind my wanderings and the response I got from the people I met, I've developed an affection and a heart for the country and its people.

God bless Boracay.

Human moment in the Dekalb Farmer's Market

(Go ahead and read the story below, but I also wrote an update here!)

I met a man at the DeKalb Farmer's Market, my first week back in America.  He saw me watching the fishmongers and came from the group to talk to me.  I was a little embarrassed and said, "Sorry, I was just watching."  He told me it was okay, no problem, and he asked where I was from.  When he heard that I had been an English teacher, he said that I could be his English teacher, and he asked for my number.

I've been asked for my number from non-native English speakers many times.  Like, a lot.  So this was totally commonplace.  But, now that I'm in America, I felt like I needed to be more selective, I guess.  I said, "Um, no.  I have a boyfriend."

He told me, "Oh, no, that's not what I mean.  I know you have a boyfriend the moment I see you."

Well, shucks, okay, then of course you can have my number.

But really, that's what happened.

His name is Comé.  Comé called me the day after we met to chat.  I was driving at the time, so it was no problem.  He told me multiple times, "It is so good to hear your voice.  You are my first friend in America."  Wait, what?  "Yes, I give my number to many people I meet, but I think they don't like to talk to people who cannot speak English well," he says through his Beninese accent.  "I call them and send a message, but they do not pick up.  You are the first to talk to me, and you make big effort to understand me, and I work hard to understand you.  I think it is very good."

Suckered into this relationship or not, here I am, and I don't think I'm leaving.  In fact, I just got off the phone with him.  This, our second conversation, was a little over half an hour.  We talked about our families a little, we talked about work, and we found out we're both Christians.  He is Catholic, I am Protestant, but Comé told me kindly that we pray to the same God.

He asked me I pray.  I told him I've been forgetting to lately.

This is what he said to me.
You cannot become grow without pray.  You cannot become grow without pray.  But don't worry.  God follows everyone.  Everyone who is full of God, He follows everyone.  And He will give us what we need.

Schooled by a near stranger.  Totally schooled.

Guest Post Series: Conrad Odendaal

Guys, this is my very, very good friend Conrad.  We met in our church cafe one winter Sunday.  I heard him mention something about The Avett Brothers, and we've been 오빠 and 동생 (older brother and younger sister, though we like to call it BFFs) ever since.  When I'm around Conrad and his South African accent, I start to speak with my own foreign accent, but it doesn't sound anything like a real dialect.  Conrad picks on me for it, and we both laugh.  In our more sincere moments, Conrad and I share ideas, pass around counsel, and talk like philosophers on the topics of culture, love, and Christianity.  He's written articles for a newspaper in Seoul, and now I get to host his writing here!  I'm very excited to introduce you guys to my trusted friend and brother, Conrad Odendaal!

"The Curious Case of a Homesick Heart"

by Conrad Odendaal

I am not a blogger. Thought about it many times, but still somewhat apprehensive. So, when Lindsay offered the opportunity to write for her blog, I hesitantly jumped at it. The ideal practice run, so to say. She has always encouraged me to start writing again.  Though I could sometimes see her raising her eyebrow at some of my musings, she is kind enough to not say anything. Basically, reader, I am trying to soften you up and appeal to your kinder side that's friendly on the critique. Here are my thoughts on "home".

My family.
1. My dad and I
2. My mom and I
3. My brother in law, sister and I.
4. Our pup. His name is Marmite.
5. Table Mountain

SLP Gym Day

Every year my school, Gangnam SLP, will hold a family gym day down by the Han River.  It's on a Sunday, and the teachers have to get to school early to take the bus to the River, but we get to hang out with our kids without having to teach and correct their English.  That's super nice, especially since my favorite part of teaching is getting to play with the students.

Gearing up for the start of the day

Morning stretches

A resistance race of sorts

On the sidelines

Three legged race

Parent/Child race

Family shot

Two more little Min-Suns!

Elegance walks to the starting line

Foot race

White Team forever